All I Want For Christmas
by AlternateShadesofBlue
Summary: A fic about what Jo might have been thinking after s4e10 and what she could have done about it. Spoilers from s4e10


For the second time that evening the Olivia Olson tune played through the speakers of Cafe Diem causing Jo to become more and more irritated of the reminder. As if Christmas didn't have to be lonely enough they wrote love songs about it.

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is...

You

Few patrons remained in Cafe Diem. Vincent's virtual waitress was sweeping and picking up empty glasses. Everyone had pretty much left the party to their respectable homes and families while Jo was lingering behind sipping her second goblet of wine at an empty table. Carter was with Allison, Zoe and Jenna and Kevin. Henry with Grace, Fargo- well Fargo was Fargo and probably geeking out over his Steve Austin lunch box, and Zane...she shuddered picturing him going home with Miss Naughty or 'Nice' or even worse both of them. She felt nauseous even letting it enter her mind. Everyone had someone or something they cared about except her. It was Christmas Eve and she hated the idea of spending it in her empty new place all alone and feeling depressed.

I won't ask for much this Christmas

I don't even wish for snow

I'm just gonna keep on waiting

Underneath the mistletoe

I won't make a list and send it

To the North Pole for Saint Nick

I won't even stay awake to

Hear those magic reindeers click

'Cause I just want you here tonight

Holding on to me so tight

What more can I do

Baby all I want for Christmas is you

Sure Carter and Allison had offered for her to spend it with them but how lousy that would have made her feel being the 5th wheel and intruding on their first family Christmas. She didn't think she could bring herself to do it. She missed him. She kept trying to move on and push the past away but no matter how hard she tried to convince herself, she ached inside whenever she let her mind and heart rest long enough to admit it. The irrational part of her wondered if somewhere in the universe if it was possible for her Zane to be missing her to. If her Zane even existed anymore. Maybe he was in an alternate universe with her and they were happy right now, laying by a fire with some wine having exchanged the perfect gifts. Maybe they were in some state of undress, enjoying immensely the pleasure they always brought to each other. Maybe they had been planning their wedding. She sighed. The alcohol part she could manage in this time-line/universe or whatever the hell it was. She ordered another glass from Vincent and decided when she finished it she'd walk home to clear her head.

She slipped on her boots, coat, gloves and scarf and then went to her car to lock up her gifts and cards for the night. She waved and exchanged Christmas wishes with Vincent as she left. Her breath fogged in the open, cool night air. The sky had cleared to reveal a brightly star lit navy sky, framed by the leftover clouds. Falling snowflakes had stopped and it had warmed up just enough to take the bite out of the cold. As she walked her mind went back to Zane and how blown away he had been about his gift, as she had later witnessed from security footage. She beamed at how surprised she must have made him and how she must have made that curious mind of his go insane, trying to figure out where it had come from. He hadn't been very open in the past about his slight obsession with Springsteen but one night alone in the previous time-line, he had admitted how he had would have killed for concert tickets. She had taken a chance that the same was still true in this time-line.

Her mind drifted back to what he must be doing at this moment and as she thought about it, she had seen his pair of elves flirting with a couple of the Dr's that worked with Allison. She didn't have a right to be jealous really and maybe not even a reason. Zane had arrived at the Cafe Diem party alone and spent most of it talking with all of her friends. He seemed to spend as much time as he could being around her if she gave him the chance, although he had finally appeared to take the hint and stop asking her about what had happened with all of them. He had been really interested after that kiss and she had agonized over the decision to not tell him. But regardless of what her heart wanted she couldn't risk putting him in danger like that, especially if she wasn't sure if he would ever feel that way about her. He didn't need to be added to the list of people that would be sanctioned if they were ever found out, if they weren't involved emotionally. So she had decided to move on with her life and he reluctantly seemed to be obliging by doing the same, much to her chagrin.

In reality though she wasn't moving on. She didn't want to be with anyone but him. She caught herself watching him on many occasions and her mind would romanticize multiple scenarios of how they could be together or she'd fantasize about even just having a fling with him. Hell, she'd even had some dirty thoughts of him in that stupid S A N T A shirt tonight, after he'd offered her his lap. Crap! There she went again. The ice around her did nothing to reduce the flaming hot scene that kept replaying in her mind. Sitting in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, hot kisses being stolen, his hands wandering. She knew what she wanted for Christmas but she couldn't have it, right?

She'd gone through this thought process at least a hundred times before. Could she take a chance and risk something happening and to him it possibly just being a fling? She knew he was interested, the guy had dropped many hints that the opportunity was there. But as much as she wanted to believe he cared about her enough there was the realist side that knew Zane was a guy that enjoyed a hot girl with hot sex. Despite what their relationship had even become the first time, he had still been very hesitant to form a commitment. He had witnessed an ugly divorce growing up and before the proposal he had been petty negative about marriage overall. Which was part of the reason the proposal had taken her by such surprise. It also was most likely why she knew her silence had been so devastating. It had taken a lot for him to get to that point, she had come to the realization.

Which led her to now. If she was going to ever find a way to feel good again, she had to take a chance, somehow. She had tried throwing herself into work and it wasn't working. She had formed closer relationships with everyone since Founder's Day but she still felt empty. She had even begun dancing again since her place had been finished. It wasn't enough. Her whole life she prized herself on her toughness; still tough-as-nails Josephina Lupo deep inside longed for love. It created some kind of balance for her she didn't necessarily want to admit she needed but deep inside knew she did. She knew she had to take that chance with someone- either with him or someone new. If she didn't the only other option she could come up with were getting a bunch of cats. And that was definitely out of the question.

As she walked through the neighborhood it was only lit by the stars, the moon and the few houses with their twinkling lights remaining lit for the night. She began contemplating again the idea of having a fling and seeing what happened. If it didn't work out she'd have some last memories of him. Her heart would break, maybe even enough to leave her more devastated than she already was. Would that heartbreak feel like the grief she felt now or would it maybe make her pissed enough at him to move on? Maybe there wouldn't be heartbreak at all. After all, their first relationship had started out based a lot on attraction and in a way, they had more of a relationship and friendship this time around.

If she did approach him about it, what would she say? She knew one thing, she didn't want to discuss anything further about the time travel at this point. Unless they were going somewhere she wasn't going to put everyone, including him, in danger. She wanted to not take it too seriously and do her best to have some fun again, to see where they would end up. A plan began to form as she realized how much fun she could have catching him off guard and getting the chance to be the one in control.

As she approached a cross in her path, she got her bearings enough to realize where she was. She was headed in the right direction to her place but if she headed to the right she was on a direct path to Zane's. She was cold, lonely and had just realized she was going to start using some of that strength she had to take risks. She had let fear run her life for too long. As she stood on that corner in the moonlight she realized how much work and what a chance she had taken before with Zane. There wasn't a guarantee before either and yet she had done it. She owed it to both of them to try again. As she looked up at the stars and took a deep breath, she altered her course and headed to see him.

Zane rubbed his hands together, warming them by the fire as he heard his doorbell. He furrowed his brow, puzzled as to who would be at his door after midnight on Christmas Eve. He shrugged, expecting maybe his next door neighbor Dr. Winsten asking for help settling some late night argument with his wife again about what lab GD should be allocating the most funds to. He padded over to the door and swiftly opened to find Jo, bundled up in the cold with her arms crossed around her body. Skeptically puzzled as to what was going on, he stated a welcome of 'Jo' and stepped aside and motioned her in from the cold.

She walked in greeting him with a quick hello and was running her hands up and down over her arms and shivering. "Jo you look like your freezing. Here have a seat by the fire." He lead her over towards the flames with his hand resting on the small of her back to a pair of modern armchairs. He handed her a blanket and she smiled warmly at him in thanks and as she took a seat. He leaned in close and draped it around her lap. They paused, faces inches apart, as he cleared his throat and moved towards his kitchen. "Uh, can I get you something warm to drink? I have coffee, hot chocolate and..." he paused searching the cabinet in confirmation, "and tea."

Jo answered "tea would be great, thanks" and suddenly wished she had brought something stronger. She crossed her arms, resting her elbows on her lap and tried to search for the right words to begin with, as he reappeared by her side with too steaming mugs of tea. He placed the hot mugs between them on a side table and sat opposite of her.

"Honey okay?" and she nodded. He leaned in with an inquisitive look, "So Jo, what brings you here at", he paused glancing around his right shoulder to the holographic clock on the wall, "12:21 a.m?"

He was staring deeply at her, still wearing that damn S A N T A t-shirt, that she noticed again strained to wrap around his muscles and she shifted uncomfortably trying to come up with the words and cursing herself for having such a hard time being direct.

He took in her nervous gestures and recognized them from when she was avoiding his questions a few months prior and that usually signaled she was about to high tail it far away from where he was. There were only a couple reasons he could think of that she would be there. And unless it had something to do with GD- which just because of the fact she sat down and had since removed her coat he knew it wasn't- there was no way he wanted her not to stay. "Jo" he started but she put out her palm for him to stop and he leaned back in anticipation.

"So, I was reconsidering about your offer earlier this evening." she blurted out willing the blush she could feel rising to please leave her cheeks.

His jaw hung open and then he looked at her musingly, willing his mind to not go where it was running to. She couldn't have meant that right? The only offer he could remember was...No use fighting it because his thoughts couldn't come up with another explanation. A wide grin formed on his face and then her sobered as he realized, "Oh shit, you're drunk," and his smile then faded, realizing she had been drinking when he saw her earlier.

She shook her head in protest. "No, I'm not,,, well maybe a little.." she flushed and he looked at her knowingly and she responded with an annoyed face, "Look, I have been drinking, a little, but I'm not drunk. buzzed a little,,, but not drunk," she finished. He searched over her not convinced and she insisted, "I'm not!"

"Okay well the Lupo I know would never freely admit that she wanted to sit on my- well Santa's lap and show up at my place in the middle of the night, what was it you called this?" He made a motion between them. "Buzzed." He leaned back in the chair with skepticism.

"Well maybe you don't know this Jo Lupo as well as you think." As uncomfortable as it was to be freely flirting with this Zane, this banter was kind of liberating. Witnessing the shock on his face was not all that un-enjoyable either.

"Uh, yeah, I guess that's true," He got up walked a couple steps away trying to process what she was getting at and swung around to face her. "So let me get this straight, your admitting my charm is finally affecting you?" he challenged and and the slight smirk and sparkle in his eye didn't go unnoticed.

She fought the urge not to grin and pushed herself up from the chair closing the distance between them. With a lean up towards his lips, she whispered in a lowered voice with certainty. "No, I'm admitting I'm interested in you in spite of your cocky charm."

His jaw dropped a little, his ego a tiny bit bruised and challenged with a nod "You came here a little drunk over an hour and 45 minutes after the party ended telling me you'd like to,"he cleared his throat, "sit on my lap and you're saying you aren't even a little bit affected by my charm?" He countered with a smirk. She was momentarily silenced, searching for a clever response. Noting her lack of comeback and sensing that the upper hand had shifted he leaned in even closer, now inches from her face and added, " You're feeling these sparks as much as I am."

She swallowed at the reminder from the original time-line as his smell now invaded her senses. Her damn eyes couldn't resist dropping to his lips which didn't go unnoticed by him and his tongue darted out to moisten them. God why did he had to be so attractively irritating! Remembering his act with the scantily clad elves earlier from the party at GD she challenged, "It seemed to me you were gearing your overconfident wit more in the direction of Miss-where-are-my-clothes and Miss-my-shirt-is-too-small tonight, not for someone as average as me."

"Someone as average as you?" He asked incredulously. He stepped back a little, the wind blown out of his sails. Was she serious with this act of jealousy? She was the one who had been trying to convince him for months that nothing was going to happen and to move on. He had to admit the fact that she challenged him was one of the huge things that turned him on to her. She was smart- not like his colleagues who had all the knowledge but not the life sense- she could always meet you head to head. He'd push and she'd pull and vice-versa. But the downside to that is that she was adversarial. Which he had quickly learned as soon as he arrived to Eureka and if he wasn't careful, she'd beat them both at their games every time until they weren't even playing anymore. He wasn't about to let that happen this time. He looked at her pointedly and said, "Jo-Jo, if there is even the slightest chance in Hell that your interested in something between us, let's just say the Santa's helpers aren't even on the same planet. That's me just messing around, trying to keep a certain someone and her secrets out of my mind." She looked away nervously, "Now you and me, that's a whole new universe."

Oh crap, that did it, she was melting. Zane and his damn cocky charm, who was she kidding. She sighed and leaned in to kiss him but he leaned back slightly and looked at her with a puzzled glance. What was he doing? He was choosing this as a time to pull away?

"Um Jo? Springsteen? That was you, wasn't it?"

She tried to even her face. "What are you talking about?"

"I got Springsteen tickets at the Meadowland tonight from a Secret Santa. Now no one knows my secret admiration of his work except for a couple select family members and they would never have sent them to GD. The only explanation can come up with is that someone in Eureka knows more about me than I know they do." She had a telling smile on her face at this point. "You're amazing." He leaned in again and she was ready to melt in his arms when he stopped again as she let out an infuriated gasp and asked, "Oh and Jo, I really have to know. Would you have sat on the Naughty or the Nice leg?"

Oh, what an ass he could be! She rolled her eyes and contemplated being pissed when she thought of an irresistible response. "Well up until an hour or so ago I might have said the Nice, but in a few minutes I'm going to have to change it to Naughty." Score! She definitely had his attention now. Just to take it full swing she added right before their lips touched, "Oh hell, why don't I just straddle them and make it even." He moaned and their lips crashed together.


End file.
